Wing Man
by FluffyGlitterPantsDragon
Summary: A universe in which Lucifer knows and sort of works with the Avengers. Yes, I know it's the wrong universe. Crack. Part two of an explicit fic I have over on Ao3 called 'Oh,God.' same author name.


"Was that really necessary?" Stark looked him dead in the eye for a full three seconds before he burst out laughing from inside the gleaming suit.

He waved in the face of an annoyed Lucifer, continuing, "oh no, I'm kidding. The look on Thor's face when they came back was absolutely priceless. He looked so shaken that there _had_ to have been more than that love bite on Loki's neck."

Lucifer eyed Tony's booted feet where he landed on his patio. Lucifer had a black 'landing pad' put in, just for this. So far it was working. He caught a few of his more impressionable party guests taking overhead selfies with the damn thing once word got out that Iron Man dropped by semi-regularly. It didn't take long at all.

The Devil watched him curiously, under an arched eyebrow, still in a bad mood. He used to like it when Tony showed up, but that was back when he knew what for (sex, naturally). The last time he was here, he dropped off a 'package' and left and abusing their friendship, as far as he was concerned. Dryly, he responded, "I'm happy you were entertained. I know I was. Might as well get _something_ out of these occasional entanglements."

"Aw, don't be like that," Tony removed his helmet and holding it, inviting himself inside. His suit made electronic and mechanical sounds as he moved. "I only wanted to come in person and let you know we were happy with your services; you managed to contain Loki, even if Thor didn't like your methods."

Mollified slightly, Lucifer followed him back in, stopping him before he hit a rug. "Oh, is that really all? The armor needs to come off or you need to stay outside, Anthony. And I don't believe that's why you're here."

"Well, I was hoping to stay for a bit," Tony groaned about Lucifer's rules but started stripping.

Lucifer picked up the helmet, turning it over. "How do you keep it from holding... _smell?"_

"That one's easy. All the soft parts are made of a silicone-based cushioning, easy to clean and doesn't retain dead skin cells. I can have those pulled out and replaced every-"

The elevator door opened quietly and they both turned, as a slender blonde woman came in. "Lucifer, do you have time today-" Chloe stopped dead, eyes wide. Not everyone had gotten the memo about random whatnots landing on his balcony. The Devil certainly hadn't mentioned it at work. He sometimes knew when to keep his mouth shut.

Tony had one hand free and clomped over, despite Lucifer hissing darkly about the flooring. "Why, hello there. Friend of Lucifer's?"

Lucifer stepped in, pressing a hand to Tony's torso to keep him from moving again. "Like I said, Anthony, if you're staying-"

"Yeah, yeah," he started his complicated dance of getting out of pieces, throwing a wink at Chloe. "Don't tell anyone about this part - trade secret."

She gaped. "Uh."

"Kidding. I'm Tony, by the way, you might have heard of me," he took her hand with a friendly squeeze. He glanced at her hip badge. "Officer…?"

She put her face back together, shooting a look at Lucifer. "Detective Chloe Decker. Lucifer hasn't mentioned me?"

"Oh! He _has_ , I just didn't want to assume." Of course, Tony already knew who she was, he just didn't always flaunt it, since most people didn't appreciate his absorption and retention of information.

Chloe looked him up and down, trying not to stare. "Aren't you usually on the other side of the country?"

"Oh, you know, sometimes I just like to drop in on my favorite otherworldly being who doesn't belong above ground. He's got a different flavor than my actual team. Too bad he won't take a spot with us, we could use him. Maze isn't shabby either, but she gives Cap the willies."

Lucifer and Chloe both shot him a look. Lucifer opened his mouth but Chloe beat him, "you shouldn't encourage him."

Stark shuffled off the rest of his suit, standing there in a comfortable outfit of black slacks and a dark button up that wouldn't be out of place in Lucifer's wardrobe. Chloe was somewhat startled to notice now that Lucifer was a good half foot taller than Stark.

He waved vaguely. "Why not? He's got everything except a secret identity and we all know that's not actually a requirement."

Chloe grumbled, "Lucifer doesn't _have_ superpowers!"

"My refractory period begs to differ."

Tony gave Lucifer a hearty slap on the ass as he came back with a drink. "I'll say."

She squinted. "Not you too."

"Well, he's not lying. He's also got people skills too."

Chloe sighed. "Okay, yes, I've seen Lucifer do a few weird things now and then, but that doesn't make him the Devil."

Tony rolled his eyes. "How about the eye thing? Does he do the eye thing?"

She frowned. "That doesn't work on me."

Lucifer leaned on the bar. "That's true. She's resistant to my charms. Oddly enough, her ex-husband is too, but to a lesser extent."

Stark's voice drove a little lower, concerned. "Really? The woman who has 'round the clock access to you also can't be controlled by you?"

She hummf'd. "Please. He has charisma out his ass, but that's all."

Tony pulled Lucifer's shoulder. "Look me in the eyes and ask me to do something stupid."

It was Lucifer's turn to roll his eyes, adding a scoff for good measure. "Anthony. That's a terrible idea and it'll take me at least half an hour to get past your will."

"Flatterer. Fine. Go crispy. It's sexy anyway."

"Absolutely not. And no it isn't."

Chloe stepped up, stabbing him hard in the upper shoulder with her index finger. "Knock it off, I need your help with work."

He looked puzzled, then turning to Lucifer, he caught his visible wince as she poked him. "Seriously? Your power doesn't work on her _and_ she's your kryptonite?"

Lucifer shrugged. Tony looked at her, "Hey, have you ever, you know, _injured_ him?"

Chloe glared. "Lucifer, you can't let Iron Man think you can't be hurt." Turning her attention back to Tony Stark she snapped. "Yeah, I shot him once, in the leg. In my defense, he told me to shoot him."

Tony rubbed his face. "And you always do everything you're told?" This was unbelievable. To Lucifer he said, "why on God's green earth would you do that, Luce?"

"The earth is much more blue than-"

"Would this have been an issue with Loki?" Tony went from annoyance to anger in a flash.

Chloe blinked. "Loki? The supervillain who blew up New York? What does he have to do with anything? Lucifer?"

Her weird dark-haired friend shuffled his feet under scrutiny from them both. "Well, nothing happened and I instructed her to leave me be. It was no problem at all to watch after him for a night."

She blinked. " _That_ was what the call was over the other week?"

He responded pointedly, glancing at Tony, "yes. When you listened and stayed away exactly as I asked?"

She growled. "To keep me from walking in on you and Loki? What exactly happened?"

"Oh, you know. Nothing much. We talked for a few hours. Exchanged stories about being disappointing children to our parents."

Tony ran his fingers through his hair. "Sure, that's the usual routine when you have attractive _visitors_."

Chloe's eyes widened, then narrowed to slits. "You didn't."

Lucifer pretended ignorance, with his usual grace. And not in a way that was ever convincing, in the slightest. "Didn't what?"

She pinched the bridge of her nose. "You had sex with Loki, didn't you?"

"Honestly, I don't know what else you might have expected."

"Good point."

Stark groaned. "Yes, but, the Chloe thing?"

Lucifer sighed. Truth was a pain in the ass. "Yes. She makes me...vulnerable to injury but doesn't reduce my strength. It's a fairly small bubble anyway, not more than this floor down to the club."

"So, if I'm understanding you correctly. Loki could have killed you. Satan. _If_ she had found a reason to come visit then."

Chloe's face was in her hands. "Great. So L.A. is in danger, now, because Lucifer has somehow convinced the Avengers that he's actually a fallen angel?"

Tony glanced between them. "He is. You know that I know Thor right? He's sort of a god."

Her eyes shifted. "Thor isn't really one though, right?"

He clapped his hands together lightly, steepling his fingers. "Just... think of Lucifer that way, if that works for you?"

She pointed at her subject. "Lucifer doesn't have superpowers. I've seen him in _handcuffs_. He bled from a knife wound. I _shot him."_

Tony looked sideways. "A _knife?_ Really, Dark Lord?"

"I'm fine, healed right up again."

He got a sly look. "You did huh? Where were you stabbed?"

Chloe squinted again.

Lucifer reflexively touched his shirt, not clear on where Tony was headed with this. "Hereabouts?"

Tony reached up and popped Lucifers shirt buttons. "Chloe, tell me, can you point out where the wound was? Where he was injured?"

Lucifer eyed Tony. "If you want me to strip, I'll do so, but Chloe has seen it all before."

"No one is impressed that everyone knows what you look like naked. Having everyone know what you look like without your clothes on is not an achievement" Tony pulled his shirt open at the shoulder. "Even if you do look good naked."

Quietly, she reached up to put her finger on his perfect, unblemished skin. She stroked the place he had been stabbed, puzzled.

Tony smiled grimly, directing his comment to Lucifer, "this is for your own good, you know."

Lucifer frowned. "What is?"

Her voice came out rough. "There's no scar. That blade was big enough that you needed stitches."

Abruptly, she dropped to her knees and pulled up his right pant leg. She bent to get a look at the back of his lower leg too. "Where's the scar from when I shot you?"

Lucifer tensed as she prodded him. "Healed up, obviously."

She sat back on her heels, touching his leg. "So that's your superpower? Complete healing? I mean, I can see advantages, but what if someone did a lot of damage? And you don't heal _that_ fast either. You bled a lot when I shot you." She stood up again. "Wait, what about your shoulder scars?"

Lucifer sighed. " _Normally_ I can't even _be_ injured. The scars went away once my wings came back."

She nodded. "So you do have wings? You can fly?"

"I'm a fallen angel, dear, of course I can fly."

Chloe stood up, pulling her pants to straighten them. "Okay then, so you really do have a couple of minor powers? Is that why you never wear a vest?"

Tony cut off a laugh with a cough.

Lucifer groaned. "Yes, because I'm the Devil. I have a number of major powers as well, like making new stars, for instance."

She crossed her arms. "Weird name though. Should you be able to set things on fire if you're going by Lucifer?" She looked at Tony. "Does that make him a mutant? Or one of the Avengers like an experiment thing? Radiation exposure?"

Tony cackled. "Nope. The Devil was born with powers."

Lucifer grumped, "made. I was _made_ with powers. I wasn't _born."_

Chloe still didn't look impressed. "Well, that explains your discomfort around children. Did some other supervillain make you? Oh! Are you a clone or something?"

Tony held his abs, trying not to laugh. "Clone of God maybe."

"I'm not a clone! And I wasn't grown or altered in a lab!"

The Detective ticked off her fingers, "no childhood, can mind-control suspects, somewhat fast healing, uhm, heat vision?"

Lucifer crossed his arms. "No, I can just set things on fire. Has nothing to do with my _vision_."

Chloe fished a paper receipt from a drugstore out of her bag. "Here! Do this one!"

"Do what?"

"Burn it!"

Tony stood there, smirking. "Yeah, Satan. Do it."

Lucifer glared icily. "I am not a party favor!"

Chloe batted her eyelashes. "Come on, Lucifer, please? I'll take your claims of being the Devil more seriously." She frowned then, "and I'll feel a lot better about you hanging out with the other good guys if I know you can hold your own."

Lucifer snatched the paper ball from Chloe, holding it up between his spread index and pointer fingers. He didn't even snap his fingers - it just went up in a bright flash fire that left spots in the humans' vision. And not coincidentally, ended making a vulgar hand gesture.

Chloe clapped and Lucifer dropped his hand with a rueful twist of his mouth. "Happy now?"

"Better. Can I see your wings? If you really have them back?"

Tony elbowed him in the ribs. "Yeah, Satan. I've seen them. Most of the Avengers have seen them, why not show her the rest of your _superpowers._ "

"I don't go around flashing evidence of the Divine." he lowered his voice, adding, "on purpose."

Tony nudged him harder. "Come on, Satan, you've known each other for years, and it's not like you even _have_ a secret identity."

"I think we've done quite enough so far."

Chloe stepped around to his back anyway, poking him. "Where are they anyway? Are the wings why you picked 'Lucifer' for your name?"

Tony reached up and trailed a few fingers down the middle of Lucifer's back, making him shiver. "There's this spot I can sometimes find, right around-"

Lucifer stepped away, moving fast. "No. Anthony-"

"Fine, sorry. I guess you'll just have to let her find it herself next time you're dirty dancing."

Chloe blushed. "We aren't, uhm."

He looked baffled. "You aren't? Why not? In that case - Oh, hey, Detective, want to go out sometime? I can be in town a few days."

She was blushing from her neck to her roots. "I'll think about it. But not if you and Lucifer are-"

"We're casual. It'd just be a couple of drinks out."

She shook herself, straightening out her face. "Sorry, no."

Lucifer's mood turned around and he was instantly all smiles. "Told you she's a tough nut to crack. Plus she likes us just being friends. It's actually rather refreshing to have a human around who doesn't want to jump my bones every five minutes."

Chloe cleared her throat. "Maybe if you lived on the same side of the country, but I have a very busy life. And definitely not if all you're looking for is something casual. Can I ask you a question, uhm, Tony?"

He pouted for a fraction of a second, then responded, "sure."

"Why are you out here? Should I be concerned? Do you guys ever contact the police departments about.. uhm... missions?"

"It depends - the Avengers aren't just the front display pieces - we have a few behind the scenes people who handle that sort of thing and coordinate with local communities and government. I could get JARVIS to tell you who your local contact would be. L.A. is a potential target, and we do have an agent or three in the area to watch it."

"Thank you, I'd like that. And that does make me feel better. What's JARVIS?"

"I'd call him my AI, but he's much more complicated than that. Say 'hello', JARVIS."

An electronic voice came out of the helmet. "Hello, Chloe. Pleasure to meet you."

She eyed the helmet. "Hello. Are you - is that, remoting in?"

"He's with me in the suit. His programming is all back at headquarters, so it's a bit of both. Anyway, I came by to see if Lucifer was busy and maybe have a couple of drinks. He's got a very nice club you know. Makes me want to buy it."

Lucifer's face darkened. "Absolutely not."

Tony gave him a look. "Kidding, alright? _God_ you're touchy sometimes. I know better than to really mess with the Dark Lord. I expect special treatment when I go to Hell at the end of my life, and I don't plan on permanently pissing you off. And yes, I know you don't run Hell anymore, but you can probably put in a good word for me with whoever does run it now. You probably have a handful of humans you could do that for."

He almost-shrugged. "We'll see."

"I'll do that thing with my tongue that you like."

Lucifer considered it for a moment. "Alright then."

Chloe blushed again. "You mind coming down to look at a case first? We have a suspect in custody that I need you to use your _superpowers_ on."

"Can Anthony come along? I'd rather not leave him here."

"Sure. I think Dan has some of his cards he'd love signed, if you don't mind, Tony. Oh! And one for my daughter too!"

"Sure, why not."


End file.
